I was giving the coaching speech at training this weekend which made me remember this blog entry I posted on the GroundControl website a little while ago.

My daughter is going through a stage where she is very proud of her ability to get dressed by herself. She likes to have me watch so she can show me how good she is (what can I say, she’s a show pony like her dad).

So this morning I was watching her put her pants on and I noticed the tag was at the front. I was just about to point out her mistake to her (”tag at the back Sophie”) when she did some weird little thing that flicked them round the other way and before I knew it she was standing there with her clothes on perfectly smiling up at me.

Apparently that’s just how she puts her pants on. It’s not how I put mine on, but it works, it gets her to the result she wants. And I thank my lucky stars I didn’t get a chance to try and “correct” her – because I’m sure I would have got a serious telling off!

Ok so you know this story is going to get to BJJ eventually. Because it occurred to me that sometimes when we’re watching our friends roll we’re tempted to do the same thing (and I know I’ve been especially guilty of this). As we watch what’s happening on the mat, we see it through the filter of our “game”. We see what we would do and when we yell advice it is based on our tactics and strategy.

But what we forget is that they may be looking to play a completely different game. Because just as with my daughter, what we are not seeing is the plan they are working. What we sometimes don’t realize, is that the advice we yell may be more distracting than helpful. And lets not forget – even if we’re on the money – we may just be tipping off the opponent.

So why do we feel such a strong urge to provide unsolicited advice? Well firstly I think there’s just a desire to help out. But I also think there’s more to it than that.

It’s a chance for us to “roll” even when we’re not rolling. By sparring by remote control as it were, we get in some extra time on the mat even when we’re off the mat. And in that sense it really can help us develop. We get to practice that most crucial of BJJ skills – the ability to associate the picture in front of us with a range of techniques that fit the “photo”.

So perhaps what we really need to do, those times when for whatever reason we’re watching and not rolling, is to think about the advice we would give, watch for the opportunities that would arise for our game, but keep it to ourselves.

And who knows, by comparing what we would do, to what someone else does, we may just learn something new. Like how to put our pants on without starting with the tag at the back.